Paper Umbrellas

Paper Umbrellas

Just take me as I am.

I'm flawed and broken down. 

I've been to hell and back,

Oh kingdom, take my crown. 

These illusions, these masks,

We hide behind the truth.

Stealing our own identities.

Ripping at our youth. 

They say that perfect's possible.

The lies, they cut like knives.

Happiness and pleasure,

Look, it's their disguise. 

The rain falls, but all ignore

As it hits their face.

It's all paper umbrellas.

Thunder, lighting, waste. 

Expect much, don't love enough.

And then you have a place

Full of those who bleed to be 

Another flawless face.

Darkness wraps around us,

A warm blanket at first.

Then the heat becomes a flame

And causes all to burst.

All of the turning cheeks.

All of the wandering eyes.

Just stop and take me in,

Accept the words "I try."

Stop telling me I'm perfect.

Every time you do,

I think about the flaws that make

All you say untrue. 

If we could throw away

The fake, and just be real.

Trade our masks for mindfulness,

Put down our crowns to kneel.

Accept. People are flawed.

It's alright to be weak.

Love isn't beyond us,

It is what we all seek. 

Let's start to heal the wounds,

Set the captives free.

The world does not want us.

They want our liberty.

We must see for ourselves,

The chains that bind our hearts

Are just paper notions

That can be torn apart. 

The Wanderer

The Wanderer 

Every day a different place.

Everywhere a different face.

There's always somewhere else to go,

Always something else to waste.

Waves, they toss me back and forth.

Holding me back from the shore.

I fear a time that soon may come 

When I just can't take anymore. 

It wasn't easy leaving home.

Duty, dreams caused me to roam.

The steady ground I thought I had,

Ended up as wind-blown sand.

Across the sea, beyond the skies,

There is a place with no goodbyes.

As Wanderer, someday I'll find

That place, and leave my past behind. 

Each day I try to find my way,

But seem to drift farther away.

Watching softly as the starlit  night

Breaks into another unknown day.

Sitting upon the dock, I gaze,

Seeing the far horizon's haze.

What if it never turns to land.

What if it always stays the same?

But in the night, a silent voice

Whispered to my heart, a choice.

I felt in the the ocean spray 

It washed me clean and seemed to say

"That place you're always searching for

Is not so distant anymore.

Don't sail too far, live now instead."

"I still don't understand." I said.

"I'm afraid of the unknown

I fear being so alone,

So lost that not even the stars

Will light the way to bring me home."

"Trust in the stars, trust in the sea

And do you best to follow me."

The voice replied with greatest calm.

It was then that I began to see.

That place that I was searching for

I had already in my core

Inside my faith, inside my soul

It was my choice to become whole.

As Wanderer, I understand 

I have found my distant land

A place where there are no goodbyes

Only beginnings and new skies.

I'm afraid of "Perfection."

I'm not perfect. And I've struggled with thinking that I have to be. My religion believes that eventually, we can become Gods and that means that we can become perfect someday.  In fact, we are commanded to "Be ye therefore perfect." 
First of all, before I get too far, I wanted to make it clear that I'm not blaming my perfectionism on my religion. I'm only blaming myself for not seeking to understand it fully. But that's what I'm trying to do now.

This life is for learning and becoming better through Christ and about sharing His love with the world. He never made any mistakes, but I've come to realize that thinking that I should focus on avoiding failure at all costs, is a mockery of His atonement. Only Christ overcame sin and I've been trying too hard to do it all by myself. I've been thinking that I need to be a little less selfish and start trusting His plan for me. 

Yes we should try our best, yes we should do all that we can to be Christlike, but we should not paralyze ourselves because of our fear of failure. 

If all the great leaders of the past and present decided not to take the action and initiative that they did to influence the world just because they were afraid of messing up, then we would have a pretty sad world. 

My eternal, ultimate, eventual goal is perfection. But as I strive to get there, I also have a goal to except my fallible, mistake ridden, clumsy, human self. I need to learn to be ok with myself even when I mess things up, because that brings me one step closer to knowing what NOT to do in the future. 

I'm not saying that we should tolerate sin. We should try our best to avoid what we can, but as humans it is unavoidable. And when the unavoidable happens, it is more productive to think, "What can I learn from this?" And then move on, rather than beating ourselves up about what we did wrong, which is letting fear dominate our lives. 

Part of Faith is trusting Him enough to let His atonement work in our life.

“I do not boast in my own strength, nor in my own wisdom; but behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God.

“Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things” (Alma 26:11–12).

What do you all think about this? Am I on the right track, or am I missing something?
Love you all ❤️ 

Thanks for your support.
(Here's a random pic of Joy and I embracing our inner goofy and glamorous selves ;) )

Music is a Story

Music is a story. 

The story of our past,

Anticipated future,

Or what we hope will last. 

Sometimes a melody 

Takes me back to childhood

When magic was alive 

When fairies understood. 

When I used to be a pirate 

Sailing the seven seas

I was the queen of youth

In all her majesty. 

Sometimes a certain lyric

Makes me yearn for things to come

Wondering if love feels like

They say it in the the songs.

It makes me wish and dream 

And gently guard my heart

And hope the knife of life

Won't cut it all apart.

Sometimes music takes me

Out of the past or what's ahead

And causes me to live inside

This precious "now" instead. 

It frees me from the worries

The fears can disappear 

In one drift of harmony 

And all the darkness clears. 

Music is a story

Yours and mine and theirs.

All strung together in a thought

Of human nature's cares. 

Small and Simple

I'm a speck in the spectrum of this wide unknown world. 

Just a small, unsure, unknown, unusual girl. 

I'm clumsy and awkward and a little insane. 

I like painting and tacos and smelling the rain. 

I'm no phenomenon, I'm no superstar

But, I believe I can take my dreams far. 

It's the simple things that make the world go round. 

It's love that helps the lost be found. 

One tiny pebble, still ripples the pond

A smile can mean the world to someone. 

 It's the little kind acts we make everyday 

That in the end, make lasting change.

What Worlds Are Made Of

I'm just one little person in a not so little world. 

I want to make a difference, but there's much I've yet to learn. 

There are billions of people, all across the earth. 

What part do I play in it all? Must I prove my worth? 

All these different lives, each a story of their own.

Separate, yet so close. The same and yet unknown. 

The universe is grand, expanding with no end. 

It's hard for me to fathom, strange to comprehend. 

Even though we may feel small in this infinite expanse, 

We can change each other's worlds, we can take a chance.

Take each chance to show your love, for that is the stuff, 

That changes worlds and it is what all worlds are made of. 

Making the Most of the Moment

Ok guys. Pep talk moment!! 

So, I've been thinking lately about what it means to be yourself, and be confident. Confidence has been something I've struggled with, but all my life I think I have been thinking of it in the wrong way. I've been thinking of it in terms of the future. For example: I'll be able to be confident when I have___. I will be comfortable once I get ___. I will be happy once I become ___.
It's nice to have goals and aspirations, but if you are always living in the future, you'll never be able to enjoy the beauty of what is happening RIGHT NOW! 

So! Stop worrying about what could be, because the only way to become your best is to be your best right now! 

Maybe eventually after taking advantage of each moment, we will stop wasting time worrying about what others think of us. 

We can't change the past, we don't know the future, so let's make the most of the present moment.

That being said, in order to live and enjoy the present moment, we need to stop worrying about external judgement. Imagine all that we could do if we weren't afraid of being judged! I think we would feel more free and we would stop holding back from accomplishing our big dreams.

Ok, there's my little rant. :) Don't be afraid to show your double-chin-crazy-weirdo-side ;) ✌😜