I'd like to share a personal story with you. Not because I want your pity, but because I want your awareness. A couple of years ago I began to worry about my appearance. I looked in the mirror and pointed out- and even made up, countless flaws. I compared myself to others and I became distressed. I’ve always had a perfectionistic nature, and I believed the countless lies around me that I was never enough. Little by little I become more obsessed with how I looked, and I saw food as something bad- and I thought that the less you had the better. The media was saying that carbs were bad, and fat foods were bad, and sugar was bad. And in my attempt to do everything perfectly, I started to count calories and restrict my intake. I didn’t realize that little by little I was leading myself deeper into a pit of destructive mental habits. Pretty soon food became my fear and my enemy. I became an unhealthy weight and my family was concerned. I was miserable. I felt trapped. False body perception wasn't the only thing that contributed to my eating disorder. I indulged in this false sense of control. But never were things more out of control. I couldn't go to activities with friends for fear that they would try to get me to eat certain things that weren't on my list of acceptable foods. If I didn't exercise one day- I felt like a complete failure. My family began to notice that I would make excuses to skip family meals. Meanwhile these unhealthy habits took control over more and more portions of my life. My mom tried to tell me that she thought I had a problem, but I was in denial. "A mental disorder? No, not me- I was fine." I told myself. But deep inside I knew I wasn't fine. I was cold, dizzy, moody, sick and stressed out all the time. My hair was falling out in frighteningly big amounts.I was terrified. How had I immobilized myself in such a way? Finally, I admitted with devastation that I really did have a problem. That was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but it was the beginning of a new freedom in my life. My mom and I constructed a healthy meal plan and I stopped exercising to give myself a chance to recover. The road has been difficult, but so rewarding. I share my feelings with my mom, who is always gives me further light and knowledge. I also decided to visit with a counselor weekly, even though I was gaining weight and doing better, because I still was having some irrational fears and concerns. This really helps me to see what skills I can work on and how I can achieve better self confidence. I share my story as a message of hope. We can and will win this war. Whether it be a battle of depression, mental illness, addiction- or any other thought habit holding us back. These wars of the mind can be overcome.
My Story
I'd like to share a personal story with you. Not because I want your pity, but because I want your awareness. A couple of years ago I began to worry about my appearance. I looked in the mirror and pointed out- and even made up, countless flaws. I compared myself to others and I became distressed. I’ve always had a perfectionistic nature, and I believed the countless lies around me that I was never enough. Little by little I become more obsessed with how I looked, and I saw food as something bad- and I thought that the less you had the better. The media was saying that carbs were bad, and fat foods were bad, and sugar was bad. And in my attempt to do everything perfectly, I started to count calories and restrict my intake. I didn’t realize that little by little I was leading myself deeper into a pit of destructive mental habits. Pretty soon food became my fear and my enemy. I became an unhealthy weight and my family was concerned. I was miserable. I felt trapped. False body perception wasn't the only thing that contributed to my eating disorder. I indulged in this false sense of control. But never were things more out of control. I couldn't go to activities with friends for fear that they would try to get me to eat certain things that weren't on my list of acceptable foods. If I didn't exercise one day- I felt like a complete failure. My family began to notice that I would make excuses to skip family meals. Meanwhile these unhealthy habits took control over more and more portions of my life. My mom tried to tell me that she thought I had a problem, but I was in denial. "A mental disorder? No, not me- I was fine." I told myself. But deep inside I knew I wasn't fine. I was cold, dizzy, moody, sick and stressed out all the time. My hair was falling out in frighteningly big amounts.I was terrified. How had I immobilized myself in such a way? Finally, I admitted with devastation that I really did have a problem. That was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but it was the beginning of a new freedom in my life. My mom and I constructed a healthy meal plan and I stopped exercising to give myself a chance to recover. The road has been difficult, but so rewarding. I share my feelings with my mom, who is always gives me further light and knowledge. I also decided to visit with a counselor weekly, even though I was gaining weight and doing better, because I still was having some irrational fears and concerns. This really helps me to see what skills I can work on and how I can achieve better self confidence. I share my story as a message of hope. We can and will win this war. Whether it be a battle of depression, mental illness, addiction- or any other thought habit holding us back. These wars of the mind can be overcome.
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I love you, Cassia. Thank you for your bravery in posting this. <3
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your experience, Cassia! You are right, this will help a lot of people who know and love you, and even those who don't know you. You are very brave, and talking about it, sharing, and creating a positive dialog will empower you and others to take action and live a healthy lifestyle. Many of us use food for unhealthy reasons, but healthy food is God's gift to us so that we can have the energy and mental clarity to fulfill our divine missions here! Please keep writing and encouraging others. You are wonderful and I love you!
ReplyDeleteI applaud you for the struggle you've been through and coming out on the other side. From President Monson's priesthood session talk, "The adversary knows us, and he knows the temptations which will be difficult for us to ignore. How vital it is that we exercise constant vigilance in order to avoid giving in to such lies and temptations." Recently he got to me with his fiery darts (they call them that because they hurt!). Started out as a whisper, of all things, that I'm not important to my missionary. After a few weeks of this I was a blubbery mess for a couple Mondays after getting his letters, but thank goodness his voice got loud enough that the light finally turned on and I recognized it for what it was. Satan knew I love my son, and used that against me. You're not the only strong youth that has been snared. Not necessarily in the same way, but I know the struggles of a few and again, he knows us and he just wants to bring us down so our light can't shine as brightly. Thank you for sharing your story. You're an amazing and beautiful young woman! Your smile is full of love and light.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing Cassia. We love you. Such a beautiful and talented young lady. So much in this world today is snaring our young people. Having said that, Satan is finding that most of our young people are willing to fight the battle, what ever it is. Those that are living the Gospel, interacting, teaching, reading, praying, are close to God. And they know, that He is always there for us, no matter what the problem You are a great example of this, letting others know that the first thing to do is to allow yourself to listen to the right words. Weather they be from Scripture, Counselors, The Prophet and Apostles, or teachers in the Gospel. The Lord has these wonderful people in our lives to help us along. Your sweet spirit allowed them in.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your courage in sharing your story. I understand your difficulty, and I read appreciate your bravery.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your courage in sharing your story. I understand your difficulty, and I read appreciate your bravery.
ReplyDeleteI would never had known about this, thank you for your bravery in sharing! You are so strong, I look up to you so much. Love you Cassia!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks Anakha! I look up to you too! It's crazy to look back on this story and realize how far I've come in just a couple of years. All thanks to Jesus Christ. Loves!!
DeleteThanks Anakha! I look up to you too! It's crazy to look back on this story and realize how far I've come in just a couple of years. All thanks to Jesus Christ. Loves!!
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