People Pleasing

Trying hard to be so strong. Trying to fix people's problems. Trying to be a pillar for others to lean on.. And yet you are breaking yourself. Trying to just make everyone happy, but they don't seem to fully appreciate your efforts. Some just keep taking. Taking, stealing, breaking you. What can you do? If you run away, will they be left alone? If you try to get away, will they just chase you down? You've figured out that they don't care... But you do. You don't want to do what they've been doing, and desert them when they might need you most. What can you do? Must you sacrifice respect in order to win it back? 

These are some of the dilemmas of a people pleaser. 

 As people pleasers we often just want peace. We don't want conflict or disagreement, we don't want people to think we are mean, we don't want others feelings to get hurt, so when someone wants something from us, we just say yes. I think everyone has at least a little bit of this problem. Why is this a problem? Because we won't stand up for ourselves. We let people manipulate us because we are afraid. We are afraid of judgment, we are afraid of rejection, afraid of conflict. So what can we do? There is one simple, and yet so complicated answer. We must move past our fear. We need to defend ourselves. We can't do everything everyone wants. We can't sit back and keep letting people steal from us. We are not slaves! We are not someone else's puppet. We are stronger than that. We are independent. We are agents.

 

People with eating disorders are often people pleasers because they are perfectionistic and want to do everything right and make everything happy and everyone comfortable. This, taken to far can lead to manipulation. We can't stand here anymore and let people manipulate us. We aren't old tools in the tool shed for people to use when they are handy. We are human beings. We have potential. We are incredible. We are made up of so many complex thoughts, feelings and emotions. We are more than just someone on the side, only capable of doing things that other people want. We are certainly no doormat there for someone to wipe their feet on. We are worth more than that. We deserve more than that. We must act more than that! So let's stop selling ourselves short. If someone needs help, by all means be there for them. But if someone begins to see that you will do everything they ask, and then they take advantage of that, stop doing everything they ask! 

Also, it's not in our power to make everyone happy all the time. Let's just do our best and try to be good, and if people aren't happy with that, then that's their problem. We have no control over other people's feelings. 

If we let people keep taking pieces of ourselves away from us, little by little we won't even be able to recognize our true identity. You don't need to say "Whatever you want" all the time. Know what you want! And hold on to it, because that's what makes you who you are! You can still respect other people's opinions, and have your own at the same time. 

Respect. An interesting word. We have always been taught to respect others, but there's a difference between respecting others and doing everything they want. Think about it, if you really respect them and want the best for them, would you always give them everything they wanted?

Also, think about respecting yourself. When we know who we really are, we will respect ourselves. We are Gods in the making! That deserves respect. We don't have to base our confidence on someone else's approval.

The key is learning to not be aggressive, and not be passive, but assertive.  I want to be the kind of person that knows who she is, the kind of person that is confident and doesn't let others manipulate her into doing something against her will. I want to be the kind of person that loves and respects those around her with a pure, real, unshakable love. I want to be authentic! I want to be the kind of person who moves past her fears. Who trusts in God for everything and does whatever He asks of her. I have a long way to go... But I beleive I will get there someday. And so can you, but we can't just stand there and let people push us out of the way. Let's stop being afraid of ourselves. Be yourself with pride! Don't be someone else just to please another person. We need to remember that pleasing everyone is virtually impossible. We can't make anyone happy! Only they can choose to be.