Wake up.

The ease of life, the mountain of gold we take our pride in, the luxury that fills our life and spills through our teeth with an Air of seniority. The disguise is happiness. The mask is satisfaction. The truth is complacency. The reality is fake.
We are suffocating in the blankets of our own content.
We glimpse the prize through the door and it entreats us, but once we've walked through the door, the prize becomes dormant.
The sweet taste slips down our thoats turning sour as it rides deeper to the heart.
The lullabies of comfort cause us to sleep too soon.
What will wake us up?
Is it the raging storms that destroy the houses of the innocent? Is it the dimming hope in the eyes of souls racked with terror as they behold their lives being swept away through the waters that whistle destruction, doubt, and despair?
Is it the fires who's smoke curls ever upward and saturates the bright blue sky tainting the sun and the moon to a blood curdling red?
This must wake us up. It is better for that the human soul arises in themselves a storm of desire, a flood of emotion, a fire of passion to help those in need.
Though help may be out of one's reach to administer directly, you can always directly help those around you.
The ripe feast on the table can be used to feed the wandering, or it can turn rotten as we become glutonously replete.
The tears of the innocent are sometimes wept in silence. Everyone has a battle, this is a call to war.
Wake up.

Social Media, Social NEEDY-a

So! Let's just get right down to the nitty gritty. Social media is a hot topic at my house. It's been a bit of a battle between my parents and I, trying to determine time limits as well as boundaries. 

I've slowly been realizing the wisdom of my parents...as is what happens to most children as they find out that, in fact, their parents actually do have some common sense and more experience than you, and surprisingly love you and want what's best for you. Who knew, right? It's been starting to register in my little brain why they are so concerned. (But Mom, don't get too excited haha!) I'm not choosing to talk about this and be better because my parents want me to. Nooo sir. I'm deciding these things for myself.

First of all, Social media is a great invention.  It's a great way to interact and connect with people and friends that you may have all over the world. BUT! The fact is, it's easy to get sucked into this virtual reality where the world is perfect and everyone's lives are happy. 

Sometimes it seems everyone is doing something grand and exciting. Everyone except you, that is.  (When I say "you" I'm really talking about me, because I'm speaking from personal experience!) You post the highlights of your day, trying to compete with the facade of a flawless life. You feel like you need that validation through others and your sense of self worth starts to be built on the rocky foundation of "likes on a post." Or "followers" on your account.  Social media turns into Social Needy-a (Ooo, see what I did there? Lol). But while we are living in this made up world, in which anyone can be "a friend," we are missing reality and waving at precious real life moments as they pass by. We are passing up opportunities to make real friendships and form real bonds. 

Some may wonder:  Why would I  want to live in reality? I would rather escape this darkened world and distract myself from my problems and responsibilities. Real life sucks- let's run off to the online realm where people actually "like" what I do. 

But that life is fake.  And real life has so much to offer. 

Facing reality can be tough... I'll be honest, sometimes I just want to escape and watch YouTube all day. The truth is that there is no escape. I've never found lasting peace in social media. Maybe momentary pleasure, but that later leads only to a feeling of emptiness and loss. A feeling of sadness for all the opportunities I've missed. The only lasting peace I've ever found is in my Savior Jesus Christ. I am so weak, and so selfish, and so prideful, but I know that I can have complete confidence in Him. 

I want to be present, not preoccupied. I want to be conscientious, not conceited. I want to be driven, not distracted. I want to be loving, not lazy. I'd rather live a life that is meaningful. 

Rather than getting validation through posting a seemingly "effortless selfie" (that in reality took approximately ten years to get the right angle for haha) and then living for those hundred likes, I'd rather do things because I love Christ and want to do His will. I'm ready to test my faith and experiment on His word. I want to know for myself that the gospel is true. I want to learn to be in the world (the real world) and not of the world. I'm choosing to delete my social media apps and only check them on Saturdays for a couple of hours. This is just a baby step for now, but at least it's somewhere.

 I was really inspired by this talk by Elder Bednar that my Dad had me read. It's really worth looking at when you have the chance (and chances are, you were scrolling through social media when you came upon this so, might as well give it a shot ;) ) http://www.lds.org/ensign/2010/06/things-as-they-really-are?lang=eng

Paper Umbrellas

Paper Umbrellas

Just take me as I am.

I'm flawed and broken down. 

I've been to hell and back,

Oh kingdom, take my crown. 

These illusions, these masks,

We hide behind the truth.

Stealing our own identities.

Ripping at our youth. 

They say that perfect's possible.

The lies, they cut like knives.

Happiness and pleasure,

Look, it's their disguise. 

The rain falls, but all ignore

As it hits their face.

It's all paper umbrellas.

Thunder, lighting, waste. 

Expect much, don't love enough.

And then you have a place

Full of those who bleed to be 

Another flawless face.

Darkness wraps around us,

A warm blanket at first.

Then the heat becomes a flame

And causes all to burst.

All of the turning cheeks.

All of the wandering eyes.

Just stop and take me in,

Accept the words "I try."

Stop telling me I'm perfect.

Every time you do,

I think about the flaws that make

All you say untrue. 

If we could throw away

The fake, and just be real.

Trade our masks for mindfulness,

Put down our crowns to kneel.

Accept. People are flawed.

It's alright to be weak.

Love isn't beyond us,

It is what we all seek. 

Let's start to heal the wounds,

Set the captives free.

The world does not want us.

They want our liberty.

We must see for ourselves,

The chains that bind our hearts

Are just paper notions

That can be torn apart. 

The Wanderer

The Wanderer 

Every day a different place.

Everywhere a different face.

There's always somewhere else to go,

Always something else to waste.

Waves, they toss me back and forth.

Holding me back from the shore.

I fear a time that soon may come 

When I just can't take anymore. 

It wasn't easy leaving home.

Duty, dreams caused me to roam.

The steady ground I thought I had,

Ended up as wind-blown sand.

Across the sea, beyond the skies,

There is a place with no goodbyes.

As Wanderer, someday I'll find

That place, and leave my past behind. 

Each day I try to find my way,

But seem to drift farther away.

Watching softly as the starlit  night

Breaks into another unknown day.

Sitting upon the dock, I gaze,

Seeing the far horizon's haze.

What if it never turns to land.

What if it always stays the same?

But in the night, a silent voice

Whispered to my heart, a choice.

I felt in the the ocean spray 

It washed me clean and seemed to say

"That place you're always searching for

Is not so distant anymore.

Don't sail too far, live now instead."

"I still don't understand." I said.

"I'm afraid of the unknown

I fear being so alone,

So lost that not even the stars

Will light the way to bring me home."

"Trust in the stars, trust in the sea

And do you best to follow me."

The voice replied with greatest calm.

It was then that I began to see.

That place that I was searching for

I had already in my core

Inside my faith, inside my soul

It was my choice to become whole.

As Wanderer, I understand 

I have found my distant land

A place where there are no goodbyes

Only beginnings and new skies.

I'm afraid of "Perfection."

I'm not perfect. And I've struggled with thinking that I have to be. My religion believes that eventually, we can become Gods and that means that we can become perfect someday.  In fact, we are commanded to "Be ye therefore perfect." 
First of all, before I get too far, I wanted to make it clear that I'm not blaming my perfectionism on my religion. I'm only blaming myself for not seeking to understand it fully. But that's what I'm trying to do now.

This life is for learning and becoming better through Christ and about sharing His love with the world. He never made any mistakes, but I've come to realize that thinking that I should focus on avoiding failure at all costs, is a mockery of His atonement. Only Christ overcame sin and I've been trying too hard to do it all by myself. I've been thinking that I need to be a little less selfish and start trusting His plan for me. 

Yes we should try our best, yes we should do all that we can to be Christlike, but we should not paralyze ourselves because of our fear of failure. 

If all the great leaders of the past and present decided not to take the action and initiative that they did to influence the world just because they were afraid of messing up, then we would have a pretty sad world. 

My eternal, ultimate, eventual goal is perfection. But as I strive to get there, I also have a goal to except my fallible, mistake ridden, clumsy, human self. I need to learn to be ok with myself even when I mess things up, because that brings me one step closer to knowing what NOT to do in the future. 

I'm not saying that we should tolerate sin. We should try our best to avoid what we can, but as humans it is unavoidable. And when the unavoidable happens, it is more productive to think, "What can I learn from this?" And then move on, rather than beating ourselves up about what we did wrong, which is letting fear dominate our lives. 

Part of Faith is trusting Him enough to let His atonement work in our life.

“I do not boast in my own strength, nor in my own wisdom; but behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God.

“Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things” (Alma 26:11–12).

What do you all think about this? Am I on the right track, or am I missing something?
Love you all ❤️ 

Thanks for your support.
(Here's a random pic of Joy and I embracing our inner goofy and glamorous selves ;) )

Music is a Story

Music is a story. 

The story of our past,

Anticipated future,

Or what we hope will last. 

Sometimes a melody 

Takes me back to childhood

When magic was alive 

When fairies understood. 

When I used to be a pirate 

Sailing the seven seas

I was the queen of youth

In all her majesty. 

Sometimes a certain lyric

Makes me yearn for things to come

Wondering if love feels like

They say it in the the songs.

It makes me wish and dream 

And gently guard my heart

And hope the knife of life

Won't cut it all apart.

Sometimes music takes me

Out of the past or what's ahead

And causes me to live inside

This precious "now" instead. 

It frees me from the worries

The fears can disappear 

In one drift of harmony 

And all the darkness clears. 

Music is a story

Yours and mine and theirs.

All strung together in a thought

Of human nature's cares. 

Small and Simple

I'm a speck in the spectrum of this wide unknown world. 

Just a small, unsure, unknown, unusual girl. 

I'm clumsy and awkward and a little insane. 

I like painting and tacos and smelling the rain. 

I'm no phenomenon, I'm no superstar

But, I believe I can take my dreams far. 

It's the simple things that make the world go round. 

It's love that helps the lost be found. 

One tiny pebble, still ripples the pond

A smile can mean the world to someone. 

 It's the little kind acts we make everyday 

That in the end, make lasting change.

What Worlds Are Made Of

I'm just one little person in a not so little world. 

I want to make a difference, but there's much I've yet to learn. 

There are billions of people, all across the earth. 

What part do I play in it all? Must I prove my worth? 

All these different lives, each a story of their own.

Separate, yet so close. The same and yet unknown. 

The universe is grand, expanding with no end. 

It's hard for me to fathom, strange to comprehend. 

Even though we may feel small in this infinite expanse, 

We can change each other's worlds, we can take a chance.

Take each chance to show your love, for that is the stuff, 

That changes worlds and it is what all worlds are made of. 

Making the Most of the Moment

Ok guys. Pep talk moment!! 

So, I've been thinking lately about what it means to be yourself, and be confident. Confidence has been something I've struggled with, but all my life I think I have been thinking of it in the wrong way. I've been thinking of it in terms of the future. For example: I'll be able to be confident when I have___. I will be comfortable once I get ___. I will be happy once I become ___.
It's nice to have goals and aspirations, but if you are always living in the future, you'll never be able to enjoy the beauty of what is happening RIGHT NOW! 

So! Stop worrying about what could be, because the only way to become your best is to be your best right now! 

Maybe eventually after taking advantage of each moment, we will stop wasting time worrying about what others think of us. 

We can't change the past, we don't know the future, so let's make the most of the present moment.

That being said, in order to live and enjoy the present moment, we need to stop worrying about external judgement. Imagine all that we could do if we weren't afraid of being judged! I think we would feel more free and we would stop holding back from accomplishing our big dreams.

Ok, there's my little rant. :) Don't be afraid to show your double-chin-crazy-weirdo-side ;) ✌😜

I'm Batman!

In the well loved movie "Batman Begins" we are presented with two opposing ideas of justice. Bruce Wayne's Mentor  Ra's al Ghul from The league of shadows expresses his idea of justice as destroying all who commit crime and bestowing the deepest forms of punishment for all who disobey the law. He claims to fight for complete peace and harmony and wishes to destroy Gotham from the inside out through fear.

On the other hand we have Batman who gives his all for justice, but he has hope in the people. He still sees good in the City of Gotham and tries to defend it, despite the high criminal activity. His manifestation of justice is more brought out through punishment of the bad, but not destruction. He never directly kills the villains. He strives to protect the good people in the city and fights to avenge His parents while he strikes fear into those who are motivated by greed and selfishness. He builds from the inside out. One person at a time.

So we're are presented with a question:

 If a people are corrupt, would it be better to destroy them to bring about complete peace and rebuild a more controlled society where people are more maintained and safe, or would it be better to have have hope in the people, even though they are fallen, still punishing the bad, but letting them remain - as good is promoted and more freedom is exercised? It is almost a question of safety and status versus freedom and hope.

We are presented with this question throughout history. People sacrifice their freedoms for "safety" or for their twisted idea of freedom -which is being able to do whatever they want. It is my belief that true freedom is obtained when worked for. The true American Dream is that we work in order to prosper. People are losing that- they are leaning more towards temporary safety and pleasure rather than lasting Liberty.

 This happens in our choices of government, and in our personal lives everyday. 

I think it's time to be like Batman. We need to strive for justice- but also hope. 

Don't give up on humanity yet! There are many good people who still remain. 

You can be one of them! Create justice inside yourself by getting rid of the things that rob you from try liberty and joy. Whether it be a damaged relationship, a mental disorder, or just a weakness that you want to overcome. Of course these things take time to heal, but just like Batman does with Gotham, you can start from the inside out. 

Son Rise

I'm The sun rises after the storm

And lights each tip of grass

The blooming flowers touched with dew

Shine like beads of glass

The garden silent, still, waiting.

The whisper of the wind

Seems to speak of hope and life

Brighter then it's been.

Quietly a woman weeps

For a friend she's lost.

Illuminated by the morning sun

Toward the tomb she walks.

She approaches the memorial

But to her great despair

The tomb is wholly empty

But for linen laying there.

Somebody approaches, 

The woman asks him where

They have laid her Lord

Her friend who wasn't there.

The man looks toward the woman

With love and sympathy 

Quietly he whispers 

He says to her, "Mary."

Such power in a word

Such meaning in one name

"Master!" She replies

For it is He, the same.

She reaches out her hand

"Touch me not," he says,

"I have yet to go unto

My Father in Heaven."

Such radiance in a smile

Such love in just one glance.

The victory o'er the grave was won

Eternity advanced.

Mary, filled with newfound grace

Thanks him with her eyes.

She has witnessed joyfully 

The hope of the Son rise.

Goals to Leave Behind the Past and Grasp the Present

(So I thought would right down some of my goals to have a more meaningful life- of course it will take me a while to get there, but someday I hope I will :) )

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm done with being selfish and angry. I'm fed up with fear and doubt and anxiety. 

I'm moving on. 

I'm leaving my fear at the feet of Jesus and picking up trust. I'm going to stop dwelling on yesterday and start living today.  I am more than my problems. God is more than my problems. Together, we'll smash the walls of restriction, and build a palace of peace. I'm leaving behind who I was and becoming who I really am.  Strong. Joyful. Determined. Faithful. Obedient. Compassionate. Wise. 

Because beating myself up only hurts me more, I'm going to stop letting shame chain me, and start letting grace free me. 

The worth of souls is great in the sight of God. I want the worth of each soul to be great in my eyes too. I want to take off the mask of misunderstanding and see people as they really are. Good, powerful spirits, with unique gifts and talents. I want to see differences as marks of beauty. I'm tired of caring about what other people think of me. I want to live the right way, and be free to be myself.

The world says it's not ok to look weird. The world says you shouldn't dare to be vulnerable, but I'm tired of hiding. I'm  sick of being cooped up in a little box of frigtened emotions. I'm ready to spread my wings and take flight with divinity. 

If I say somethings  stupid, who cares? If I embarrass myself, who cares? If I mess up, make a mistake, I'm not going to let that cripple me like I've done in the past. I'm moving on from the past, and looking forward to the future. Cherishing every learning opportunity. Being excited just about life. Not being afraid to dance, sing, and laugh. Loving with my whole heart, for it is worth it. I'm stepping out of sadness and jumping into joy. 

What a beautiful day to live! 

Soar

 

Sometimes all the dreams you wish, or all you hope to be
Seem like nothing but desire, a far off fantasy.
A wisp of smoke you long to catch, but slips right through your hands.
A distant shore of dazzling light beyond forever sand.

You long to be at that place, that you have deemed ideal.
But you wonder if that place is even something real.
Reaching, reaching, never there. Always wondering when.
Your fear seems like a chain that's binding from within.

The loneliness envelopes. Your judgement bringing clouds.
The rain seeps down, a dreary sound, no reasons to be proud.
What can you do when you can't? What can you see when you don't?
Where's the light when it seems there's none? What to do when you won't?

You can't do it by yourself again. To be alone once more,
Would mean to fall, to fail, to fear. There's got to be a door,
An escape, a refuge, a safer place. A place to just be you.
Could that land of dreams you long to have be true?

To trust is to be free, to have faith is to be true.
Impossible if on your own, but that's alright with you.
Suddenly you're reaching, for that distant shore.
Only to find, you don't need to anymore.

For as you let go of doubt and wanting all control,
And started living, choosing joy, choosing to be whole,
Someone had crossed the sand, had brought you to the shore
Had taught you to how live, had taught you how to soar.

Bigger Picture

The universe is beautiful. It is vast, uncomprehendable, infinite. 

Just taking a look at the stars looses me in a trance and makes me wonder at unknown. There's so much yet to learn, so much yet to do. But that's alright, we have eternity. 

Let's enjoy the beauty of the unknown and love the concept of trust. Trust that there's someone who takes care of the turning of our world. 

 All we have to do is just go do our best, and we will be led along the way. There's a bigger picture, a picture bigger than we can imagine. There is a plan for our happiness. Isn't it great that the world is huge, and we can't even fathom the never ending, and yet we play a part in it? We play a part in forever. Wow! 

Sometimes I get lost in my little problems, and forget to take myself out of my selfish bubble and look at the magnificance of life. It's meant to be joyful. Not something we just have to push and suffer through.

 So, next time we look at the stars, lets let go of what we don't know. Embrace the unknown, we are not in control, but there's someone out there who is, and we can trust that. We can live joyfully. Let's take a step out of our problems and remember the bigger picture. Life is a beautiful thing. There is still good in this world, and we can hold on to it.