Wake up.

The ease of life, the mountain of gold we take our pride in, the luxury that fills our life and spills through our teeth with an Air of seniority. The disguise is happiness. The mask is satisfaction. The truth is complacency. The reality is fake.
We are suffocating in the blankets of our own content.
We glimpse the prize through the door and it entreats us, but once we've walked through the door, the prize becomes dormant.
The sweet taste slips down our thoats turning sour as it rides deeper to the heart.
The lullabies of comfort cause us to sleep too soon.
What will wake us up?
Is it the raging storms that destroy the houses of the innocent? Is it the dimming hope in the eyes of souls racked with terror as they behold their lives being swept away through the waters that whistle destruction, doubt, and despair?
Is it the fires who's smoke curls ever upward and saturates the bright blue sky tainting the sun and the moon to a blood curdling red?
This must wake us up. It is better for that the human soul arises in themselves a storm of desire, a flood of emotion, a fire of passion to help those in need.
Though help may be out of one's reach to administer directly, you can always directly help those around you.
The ripe feast on the table can be used to feed the wandering, or it can turn rotten as we become glutonously replete.
The tears of the innocent are sometimes wept in silence. Everyone has a battle, this is a call to war.
Wake up.

Social Media, Social NEEDY-a

So! Let's just get right down to the nitty gritty. Social media is a hot topic at my house. It's been a bit of a battle between my parents and I, trying to determine time limits as well as boundaries. 

I've slowly been realizing the wisdom of my parents...as is what happens to most children as they find out that, in fact, their parents actually do have some common sense and more experience than you, and surprisingly love you and want what's best for you. Who knew, right? It's been starting to register in my little brain why they are so concerned. (But Mom, don't get too excited haha!) I'm not choosing to talk about this and be better because my parents want me to. Nooo sir. I'm deciding these things for myself.

First of all, Social media is a great invention.  It's a great way to interact and connect with people and friends that you may have all over the world. BUT! The fact is, it's easy to get sucked into this virtual reality where the world is perfect and everyone's lives are happy. 

Sometimes it seems everyone is doing something grand and exciting. Everyone except you, that is.  (When I say "you" I'm really talking about me, because I'm speaking from personal experience!) You post the highlights of your day, trying to compete with the facade of a flawless life. You feel like you need that validation through others and your sense of self worth starts to be built on the rocky foundation of "likes on a post." Or "followers" on your account.  Social media turns into Social Needy-a (Ooo, see what I did there? Lol). But while we are living in this made up world, in which anyone can be "a friend," we are missing reality and waving at precious real life moments as they pass by. We are passing up opportunities to make real friendships and form real bonds. 

Some may wonder:  Why would I  want to live in reality? I would rather escape this darkened world and distract myself from my problems and responsibilities. Real life sucks- let's run off to the online realm where people actually "like" what I do. 

But that life is fake.  And real life has so much to offer. 

Facing reality can be tough... I'll be honest, sometimes I just want to escape and watch YouTube all day. The truth is that there is no escape. I've never found lasting peace in social media. Maybe momentary pleasure, but that later leads only to a feeling of emptiness and loss. A feeling of sadness for all the opportunities I've missed. The only lasting peace I've ever found is in my Savior Jesus Christ. I am so weak, and so selfish, and so prideful, but I know that I can have complete confidence in Him. 

I want to be present, not preoccupied. I want to be conscientious, not conceited. I want to be driven, not distracted. I want to be loving, not lazy. I'd rather live a life that is meaningful. 

Rather than getting validation through posting a seemingly "effortless selfie" (that in reality took approximately ten years to get the right angle for haha) and then living for those hundred likes, I'd rather do things because I love Christ and want to do His will. I'm ready to test my faith and experiment on His word. I want to know for myself that the gospel is true. I want to learn to be in the world (the real world) and not of the world. I'm choosing to delete my social media apps and only check them on Saturdays for a couple of hours. This is just a baby step for now, but at least it's somewhere.

 I was really inspired by this talk by Elder Bednar that my Dad had me read. It's really worth looking at when you have the chance (and chances are, you were scrolling through social media when you came upon this so, might as well give it a shot ;) ) http://www.lds.org/ensign/2010/06/things-as-they-really-are?lang=eng

Paper Umbrellas

Paper Umbrellas

Just take me as I am.

I'm flawed and broken down. 

I've been to hell and back,

Oh kingdom, take my crown. 

These illusions, these masks,

We hide behind the truth.

Stealing our own identities.

Ripping at our youth. 

They say that perfect's possible.

The lies, they cut like knives.

Happiness and pleasure,

Look, it's their disguise. 

The rain falls, but all ignore

As it hits their face.

It's all paper umbrellas.

Thunder, lighting, waste. 

Expect much, don't love enough.

And then you have a place

Full of those who bleed to be 

Another flawless face.

Darkness wraps around us,

A warm blanket at first.

Then the heat becomes a flame

And causes all to burst.

All of the turning cheeks.

All of the wandering eyes.

Just stop and take me in,

Accept the words "I try."

Stop telling me I'm perfect.

Every time you do,

I think about the flaws that make

All you say untrue. 

If we could throw away

The fake, and just be real.

Trade our masks for mindfulness,

Put down our crowns to kneel.

Accept. People are flawed.

It's alright to be weak.

Love isn't beyond us,

It is what we all seek. 

Let's start to heal the wounds,

Set the captives free.

The world does not want us.

They want our liberty.

We must see for ourselves,

The chains that bind our hearts

Are just paper notions

That can be torn apart. 

The Wanderer

The Wanderer 

Every day a different place.

Everywhere a different face.

There's always somewhere else to go,

Always something else to waste.

Waves, they toss me back and forth.

Holding me back from the shore.

I fear a time that soon may come 

When I just can't take anymore. 

It wasn't easy leaving home.

Duty, dreams caused me to roam.

The steady ground I thought I had,

Ended up as wind-blown sand.

Across the sea, beyond the skies,

There is a place with no goodbyes.

As Wanderer, someday I'll find

That place, and leave my past behind. 

Each day I try to find my way,

But seem to drift farther away.

Watching softly as the starlit  night

Breaks into another unknown day.

Sitting upon the dock, I gaze,

Seeing the far horizon's haze.

What if it never turns to land.

What if it always stays the same?

But in the night, a silent voice

Whispered to my heart, a choice.

I felt in the the ocean spray 

It washed me clean and seemed to say

"That place you're always searching for

Is not so distant anymore.

Don't sail too far, live now instead."

"I still don't understand." I said.

"I'm afraid of the unknown

I fear being so alone,

So lost that not even the stars

Will light the way to bring me home."

"Trust in the stars, trust in the sea

And do you best to follow me."

The voice replied with greatest calm.

It was then that I began to see.

That place that I was searching for

I had already in my core

Inside my faith, inside my soul

It was my choice to become whole.

As Wanderer, I understand 

I have found my distant land

A place where there are no goodbyes

Only beginnings and new skies.

I'm afraid of "Perfection."

I'm not perfect. And I've struggled with thinking that I have to be. My religion believes that eventually, we can become Gods and that means that we can become perfect someday.  In fact, we are commanded to "Be ye therefore perfect." 
First of all, before I get too far, I wanted to make it clear that I'm not blaming my perfectionism on my religion. I'm only blaming myself for not seeking to understand it fully. But that's what I'm trying to do now.

This life is for learning and becoming better through Christ and about sharing His love with the world. He never made any mistakes, but I've come to realize that thinking that I should focus on avoiding failure at all costs, is a mockery of His atonement. Only Christ overcame sin and I've been trying too hard to do it all by myself. I've been thinking that I need to be a little less selfish and start trusting His plan for me. 

Yes we should try our best, yes we should do all that we can to be Christlike, but we should not paralyze ourselves because of our fear of failure. 

If all the great leaders of the past and present decided not to take the action and initiative that they did to influence the world just because they were afraid of messing up, then we would have a pretty sad world. 

My eternal, ultimate, eventual goal is perfection. But as I strive to get there, I also have a goal to except my fallible, mistake ridden, clumsy, human self. I need to learn to be ok with myself even when I mess things up, because that brings me one step closer to knowing what NOT to do in the future. 

I'm not saying that we should tolerate sin. We should try our best to avoid what we can, but as humans it is unavoidable. And when the unavoidable happens, it is more productive to think, "What can I learn from this?" And then move on, rather than beating ourselves up about what we did wrong, which is letting fear dominate our lives. 

Part of Faith is trusting Him enough to let His atonement work in our life.

“I do not boast in my own strength, nor in my own wisdom; but behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God.

“Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things” (Alma 26:11–12).

What do you all think about this? Am I on the right track, or am I missing something?
Love you all ❤️ 

Thanks for your support.
(Here's a random pic of Joy and I embracing our inner goofy and glamorous selves ;) )

Music is a Story

Music is a story. 

The story of our past,

Anticipated future,

Or what we hope will last. 

Sometimes a melody 

Takes me back to childhood

When magic was alive 

When fairies understood. 

When I used to be a pirate 

Sailing the seven seas

I was the queen of youth

In all her majesty. 

Sometimes a certain lyric

Makes me yearn for things to come

Wondering if love feels like

They say it in the the songs.

It makes me wish and dream 

And gently guard my heart

And hope the knife of life

Won't cut it all apart.

Sometimes music takes me

Out of the past or what's ahead

And causes me to live inside

This precious "now" instead. 

It frees me from the worries

The fears can disappear 

In one drift of harmony 

And all the darkness clears. 

Music is a story

Yours and mine and theirs.

All strung together in a thought

Of human nature's cares. 

Small and Simple

I'm a speck in the spectrum of this wide unknown world. 

Just a small, unsure, unknown, unusual girl. 

I'm clumsy and awkward and a little insane. 

I like painting and tacos and smelling the rain. 

I'm no phenomenon, I'm no superstar

But, I believe I can take my dreams far. 

It's the simple things that make the world go round. 

It's love that helps the lost be found. 

One tiny pebble, still ripples the pond

A smile can mean the world to someone. 

 It's the little kind acts we make everyday 

That in the end, make lasting change.