Music is a Story

Music is a story. 

The story of our past,

Anticipated future,

Or what we hope will last. 

Sometimes a melody 

Takes me back to childhood

When magic was alive 

When fairies understood. 

When I used to be a pirate 

Sailing the seven seas

I was the queen of youth

In all her majesty. 

Sometimes a certain lyric

Makes me yearn for things to come

Wondering if love feels like

They say it in the the songs.

It makes me wish and dream 

And gently guard my heart

And hope the knife of life

Won't cut it all apart.

Sometimes music takes me

Out of the past or what's ahead

And causes me to live inside

This precious "now" instead. 

It frees me from the worries

The fears can disappear 

In one drift of harmony 

And all the darkness clears. 

Music is a story

Yours and mine and theirs.

All strung together in a thought

Of human nature's cares. 

Small and Simple

I'm a speck in the spectrum of this wide unknown world. 

Just a small, unsure, unknown, unusual girl. 

I'm clumsy and awkward and a little insane. 

I like painting and tacos and smelling the rain. 

I'm no phenomenon, I'm no superstar

But, I believe I can take my dreams far. 

It's the simple things that make the world go round. 

It's love that helps the lost be found. 

One tiny pebble, still ripples the pond

A smile can mean the world to someone. 

 It's the little kind acts we make everyday 

That in the end, make lasting change.

What Worlds Are Made Of

I'm just one little person in a not so little world. 

I want to make a difference, but there's much I've yet to learn. 

There are billions of people, all across the earth. 

What part do I play in it all? Must I prove my worth? 

All these different lives, each a story of their own.

Separate, yet so close. The same and yet unknown. 

The universe is grand, expanding with no end. 

It's hard for me to fathom, strange to comprehend. 

Even though we may feel small in this infinite expanse, 

We can change each other's worlds, we can take a chance.

Take each chance to show your love, for that is the stuff, 

That changes worlds and it is what all worlds are made of. 

Making the Most of the Moment

Ok guys. Pep talk moment!! 

So, I've been thinking lately about what it means to be yourself, and be confident. Confidence has been something I've struggled with, but all my life I think I have been thinking of it in the wrong way. I've been thinking of it in terms of the future. For example: I'll be able to be confident when I have___. I will be comfortable once I get ___. I will be happy once I become ___.
It's nice to have goals and aspirations, but if you are always living in the future, you'll never be able to enjoy the beauty of what is happening RIGHT NOW! 

So! Stop worrying about what could be, because the only way to become your best is to be your best right now! 

Maybe eventually after taking advantage of each moment, we will stop wasting time worrying about what others think of us. 

We can't change the past, we don't know the future, so let's make the most of the present moment.

That being said, in order to live and enjoy the present moment, we need to stop worrying about external judgement. Imagine all that we could do if we weren't afraid of being judged! I think we would feel more free and we would stop holding back from accomplishing our big dreams.

Ok, there's my little rant. :) Don't be afraid to show your double-chin-crazy-weirdo-side ;) ✌😜

I'm Batman!

In the well loved movie "Batman Begins" we are presented with two opposing ideas of justice. Bruce Wayne's Mentor  Ra's al Ghul from The league of shadows expresses his idea of justice as destroying all who commit crime and bestowing the deepest forms of punishment for all who disobey the law. He claims to fight for complete peace and harmony and wishes to destroy Gotham from the inside out through fear.

On the other hand we have Batman who gives his all for justice, but he has hope in the people. He still sees good in the City of Gotham and tries to defend it, despite the high criminal activity. His manifestation of justice is more brought out through punishment of the bad, but not destruction. He never directly kills the villains. He strives to protect the good people in the city and fights to avenge His parents while he strikes fear into those who are motivated by greed and selfishness. He builds from the inside out. One person at a time.

So we're are presented with a question:

 If a people are corrupt, would it be better to destroy them to bring about complete peace and rebuild a more controlled society where people are more maintained and safe, or would it be better to have have hope in the people, even though they are fallen, still punishing the bad, but letting them remain - as good is promoted and more freedom is exercised? It is almost a question of safety and status versus freedom and hope.

We are presented with this question throughout history. People sacrifice their freedoms for "safety" or for their twisted idea of freedom -which is being able to do whatever they want. It is my belief that true freedom is obtained when worked for. The true American Dream is that we work in order to prosper. People are losing that- they are leaning more towards temporary safety and pleasure rather than lasting Liberty.

 This happens in our choices of government, and in our personal lives everyday. 

I think it's time to be like Batman. We need to strive for justice- but also hope. 

Don't give up on humanity yet! There are many good people who still remain. 

You can be one of them! Create justice inside yourself by getting rid of the things that rob you from try liberty and joy. Whether it be a damaged relationship, a mental disorder, or just a weakness that you want to overcome. Of course these things take time to heal, but just like Batman does with Gotham, you can start from the inside out. 

Son Rise

I'm The sun rises after the storm

And lights each tip of grass

The blooming flowers touched with dew

Shine like beads of glass

The garden silent, still, waiting.

The whisper of the wind

Seems to speak of hope and life

Brighter then it's been.

Quietly a woman weeps

For a friend she's lost.

Illuminated by the morning sun

Toward the tomb she walks.

She approaches the memorial

But to her great despair

The tomb is wholly empty

But for linen laying there.

Somebody approaches, 

The woman asks him where

They have laid her Lord

Her friend who wasn't there.

The man looks toward the woman

With love and sympathy 

Quietly he whispers 

He says to her, "Mary."

Such power in a word

Such meaning in one name

"Master!" She replies

For it is He, the same.

She reaches out her hand

"Touch me not," he says,

"I have yet to go unto

My Father in Heaven."

Such radiance in a smile

Such love in just one glance.

The victory o'er the grave was won

Eternity advanced.

Mary, filled with newfound grace

Thanks him with her eyes.

She has witnessed joyfully 

The hope of the Son rise.

Goals to Leave Behind the Past and Grasp the Present

(So I thought would right down some of my goals to have a more meaningful life- of course it will take me a while to get there, but someday I hope I will :) )

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm done with being selfish and angry. I'm fed up with fear and doubt and anxiety. 

I'm moving on. 

I'm leaving my fear at the feet of Jesus and picking up trust. I'm going to stop dwelling on yesterday and start living today.  I am more than my problems. God is more than my problems. Together, we'll smash the walls of restriction, and build a palace of peace. I'm leaving behind who I was and becoming who I really am.  Strong. Joyful. Determined. Faithful. Obedient. Compassionate. Wise. 

Because beating myself up only hurts me more, I'm going to stop letting shame chain me, and start letting grace free me. 

The worth of souls is great in the sight of God. I want the worth of each soul to be great in my eyes too. I want to take off the mask of misunderstanding and see people as they really are. Good, powerful spirits, with unique gifts and talents. I want to see differences as marks of beauty. I'm tired of caring about what other people think of me. I want to live the right way, and be free to be myself.

The world says it's not ok to look weird. The world says you shouldn't dare to be vulnerable, but I'm tired of hiding. I'm  sick of being cooped up in a little box of frigtened emotions. I'm ready to spread my wings and take flight with divinity. 

If I say somethings  stupid, who cares? If I embarrass myself, who cares? If I mess up, make a mistake, I'm not going to let that cripple me like I've done in the past. I'm moving on from the past, and looking forward to the future. Cherishing every learning opportunity. Being excited just about life. Not being afraid to dance, sing, and laugh. Loving with my whole heart, for it is worth it. I'm stepping out of sadness and jumping into joy. 

What a beautiful day to live! 

Soar

 

Sometimes all the dreams you wish, or all you hope to be
Seem like nothing but desire, a far off fantasy.
A wisp of smoke you long to catch, but slips right through your hands.
A distant shore of dazzling light beyond forever sand.

You long to be at that place, that you have deemed ideal.
But you wonder if that place is even something real.
Reaching, reaching, never there. Always wondering when.
Your fear seems like a chain that's binding from within.

The loneliness envelopes. Your judgement bringing clouds.
The rain seeps down, a dreary sound, no reasons to be proud.
What can you do when you can't? What can you see when you don't?
Where's the light when it seems there's none? What to do when you won't?

You can't do it by yourself again. To be alone once more,
Would mean to fall, to fail, to fear. There's got to be a door,
An escape, a refuge, a safer place. A place to just be you.
Could that land of dreams you long to have be true?

To trust is to be free, to have faith is to be true.
Impossible if on your own, but that's alright with you.
Suddenly you're reaching, for that distant shore.
Only to find, you don't need to anymore.

For as you let go of doubt and wanting all control,
And started living, choosing joy, choosing to be whole,
Someone had crossed the sand, had brought you to the shore
Had taught you to how live, had taught you how to soar.

Bigger Picture

The universe is beautiful. It is vast, uncomprehendable, infinite. 

Just taking a look at the stars looses me in a trance and makes me wonder at unknown. There's so much yet to learn, so much yet to do. But that's alright, we have eternity. 

Let's enjoy the beauty of the unknown and love the concept of trust. Trust that there's someone who takes care of the turning of our world. 

 All we have to do is just go do our best, and we will be led along the way. There's a bigger picture, a picture bigger than we can imagine. There is a plan for our happiness. Isn't it great that the world is huge, and we can't even fathom the never ending, and yet we play a part in it? We play a part in forever. Wow! 

Sometimes I get lost in my little problems, and forget to take myself out of my selfish bubble and look at the magnificance of life. It's meant to be joyful. Not something we just have to push and suffer through.

 So, next time we look at the stars, lets let go of what we don't know. Embrace the unknown, we are not in control, but there's someone out there who is, and we can trust that. We can live joyfully. Let's take a step out of our problems and remember the bigger picture. Life is a beautiful thing. There is still good in this world, and we can hold on to it.

Song With no Music or Title

So, I wrote this song to represent coming away from your weaknesses, and how it's painful to let go of sin sometimes, but as I read over it again, it also looks like a contemplation of sucicide (which, I'm not contemplating just so you know). So here is for Suicide awareness and for letting go of harmful thoughts or habits holding you back from living your life joyfully.

You are loved! ❤️ <3

I thought it was grey

But it's black and white.

All this time I've been

Hiding from the light.

I know it's time

To walk away

There's forces that

Tell me to stay.

CHORUS:

But as I'm breaking through

Although it hurts 

To watch you leave, 

The light will burst.

I watch you go.

Why does it ache?

When it was you

That made me break?

What is the sound

Of conquering?

What is the taste

Of victory?

CHORUS

If this means free,

Why do I feel

Stuck in between

One big uphill?

Uncertainty.

The path is rough.

The anger bites,

But we are tough.

As it fades away,

It hurts to stay.

All I can say

Is goodbye.

 Goodbye.

CHORUS: 

But as you're breaking through,

Although it hurts 

Keep holding on

The light will burst.

I love writing lyrics, but I don't know about writing the music to them, so if any of you want to do that, go ahead! :P Also, if you have any title suggestions, I'm open.

Remember, light always conquers darkness! 

A Letter to Expectation

Hey expectation! I know you want me to be perfect and do everything right. I know you want me to get up in the morning, and look at the day with confidence, and a smile on my face, always ready to take on the days challenges. I know you want me to do every assignment with exactness, and to do everything on my to do list. I know you want me to look flawless in every way. I know you want me to be sweet and loving all the time.You want me to accomplish every goal, and find every wish.
But hey expectation... You're going to have to suck it up, because I'm not that way. Maybe those things can be my ideal or be some things to shoot for, but my no means, are they everyday, going to be my reality.

The truth is, I'm weak. I'm imperfect. I mess up, I stress out, and I get sad sometimes. I lose my temper, I yell and get annoyed. I forget about assignments, I forget to do my laundry. I'm not a magazine model. I don't always like how clothes look on me, I get zits and bad hair days. I embarrass myself. I say dumb things-all the time. 

 So hey expectation... By all means, you can be there to motivate me. You can be there to cheer me on to do my best... But if you start making me feel like I'm never enough, or that I am hopeless, or that I don't matter... You can pack your bags and leave. 

Sure, I'll try to  do my best, I'll try to be helpful and love and be kind, but every time you raise the bar too high,  I'm going to fall. I'm not going to make it all the time because I'm human. 

 I'm not going to always accomplish everything on my to do list. I'm not always going to say exactly the right thing. I'm not going to take every step with a pure confidence. I'm not always going to get every answer right. I'll stumble, I'll trip, I'll fall flat on my face, but that's ok. That's ok because I can get back up again. After seeing what it's like to fail, it makes getting back up again that much better.

So, expectation. I'm glad you're there to keep me trying. But I'm not going to let you make me stop trying. 

Dangerous Mirror

The mirror was distorted.

It warped the real view.

It made her wide, feel gross inside.

And everything untrue.

Every day she looked at it

And saw inside the mirror

One big mistake, something fake. 

Reflecting back her tears. 

Everytime she saw herself 

Inside the dangerous mirror

She saw only the evil things

That intensified her fear.

Stupid, ugly, sad, unloved.

The mirror seemed to scream.

Hopeless, worthless, always less.

Nightmares haunted dreams.

The mirror distorted her whole being.

But she kept looking on.

Wondering what else to do

To stop being so wrong.

One day she decided that, 

Instead of looking out, 

She wanted to look inside and

Take a braver route.

So instead of looking at the mirror.

She looked inside her heart 

And saw a girl trying so hard

To be good, be apart.

A girl who wanted laughter, love,

To just do what was right.

A girl who failed, but who still sailed

The seas of searching light.

What if I said that the old mirror

That distortes the view

Was placed inside your very eyes

And warped your sight of you.

Putting aside that horrid thing, 

And looking with cleared eyes

Might help you see, how beautifully

You're doing with your lives.

FEAR

Fear. I hate that word. It cripples the bravest of men. It holds back the most determined of souls. It blinds us even to beyond rational thinking. It's shadow haunts us every day of our lives. Fear of messing up. Fear of what others might think. Fear of what we can't see. Fear of not living up to expectation. Fear of losing what we love. Fear of not being loved. This kind of fear, is the kind that makes you doubt, makes you stressed, makes you angry at life for not going as you planned.

One of my biggest fears, is myself. I'm afraid that I won't make a difference in the world. Afraid of the difference in the world I might make. Afraid that what I say or do, afraid that I won't become who I was made to become. 

This shadow, this blinding force, that keeps us from doing so much is like a trap, like a chain. Where's the escape? Where's is the light that penetrates this darkness? Is it faith? Is it love? Is it trust? Is it God?

Yes. I believe it to be all of those things, and yet trusting can be so scary. Have you ever been with your friends and done a "Trust fall"? Where you're friends stand behind you while you cross you arms and just fall backwards as you hope with all your might that they'll catch you? If trusting, and having faith in God is so scary, how does that overcome fear? Well, what about the thrill of a roller coaster after you've gone on your first one and you realize it's actually fun? What about the satisfaction of the cool water on your skin and the feeling of triumph after you decide to jump off that diving board? What about that assuring feeling you get when you decide to defend what you feel to be right? What about that peace you get when you decide to correct what you have done wrong? What about that warmness inside that you get when you decide to speak up? And it's not just the feelings that make it worth it. What about the smile that lights up her face as you compliment her, even though you were afraid of what she might think? What about that satisfaction in your parents eyes as you've accomplished a task, even though it was daunting? What about that excited look your little brother gets when you decide to play with him even if you're afraid you won't have time for other things? What about that penetrating, sinking, comforting, overwhelming love you feel from God when you've asked forgiveness for your sins? 

That fear is just the first step to becoming great. The heroes of history didn't find success by having easy fear-free lives. They found it by overcoming fears and just trying to be better. Many real adventures include fear. 

Fear is apart of mortality, but we can not only dispel, but destroy it when it comes, through faith, through love. And when a different fear arrives, we can wholeheartedly do it again.

I want to choose to trust in God. And not just because it feels good after you've done it, but because it's the right thing to do. I believe He sees a picture bigger and more beautiful than I can comprehend. He knows. He knows what it's like to be afraid, and He wants to help us overcome it. I'm defiantly not perfect at overcoming my fears. In fact, I'm one of the most fearful people I know But we've got to trust. How? By doing what we feel He'd have us do. So, fear is an opportunity. An opportunity to really strengthen your faith. A door to courage. 

  Fear. Well, I sort of like that word :)