Masterpieces in the Broken Pieces.

We are all so different. The beauty of this world lies in its diversity. The color, the shapes, the lines, the smells, the tastes, the sounds, the textures, in all their uniqueness make the world- balanced. Complete. The thoughts, the feelings, the ideas, the emotions, make the world function, make it whole. 

We can't live without our differences. To be unique is beautiful. 

So why do we keep trying to fit into boxes? Why do we try so hard to look a certain way, to think a certain way, to be a certain way. We try so hard to be the "ideal". The ideal manager, the ideal student, the ideal parent, the ideal co-worker, the ideal family member. What really is ideal? Is ideal just an idea? I don't believe that the "ideal" of today is possible. Ideal is perfect, faultless, superior, flawless, supreme, examplary, ultimate. This is unattainable. Especially because people's ideas of "perfection" vary. Why do we keep trying to fit in this box of ideals when it is nonexistent and impossible? 

Ever since we were babies we were taught the difference between right and wrong, but as we got older we started blurring our vision and forgetting those simple truths. People started confusing right things with wrong things and wrong things with right things. It's like in that song "Counting Stars" when he said "And I-I-I-I feel something so right for doing the wrong thing." 

Basic values are being forgotten. And something wrong becomes disguised as something right. It's so scary! It honestly freaks me out. People seem to blindly be groping their way in the dark to this non-existent box of ideals. What can we do? Well, first we can stop groping in the dark, and start accepting. Accept the diversity, accept the personality, accept the unusual, accept yourself. Turn on the lights. Look around. We are all unusual, because there is no such thing as a "usual" human being. 

I'd like to tell you the story of the "Hoped for Roses" (This is based in a true story :) )

A few days ago I was in art class and as I was walking over to the closet to grab an easel, I saw a little lady looking at one of her paintings in progress. It was a lovely painting of some pink flowers in a lavender colored vase. 

"Did you paint that?" I asked.

"Yes..." She said. 

"It's beautiful!" I said.

 She replied; "Oh I was just thinking that I need to redo it." 

"No, I like it!" I said.

Later on, that lady loaded her brush with some grey-ish paint and totally painted right over her whole painting. When the other people in he class had found out what she had done, they were very concerned.

 "Why did you do that? It was so pretty! Oh no! Well, I guess it's your choice, but I thought it was fine!"

"I wanted roses, and the flowers just didn't look like roses." The lady replied.

When the art teacher had found out what she had done she said:

"Now, you are going to wipe that grey paint right off."

"What? You can do that?"

"Yes, since your painting underneath was dry, the wet paint can be washed off and your original painting will still be there. You must always keep every painting, because you can learn from every one and choose to gain wisdom from everything even if you don't like it."

"I don't know... Maybe I'm just not meant to paint... Maybe it's time for me to move on to different things."

"No!" The class protested. "Anyone can paint! Every artist has work that they dislike! And that's part of the learning process."

So, the lady somewhat reluctantly wiped of the paint, and the other ladies sighed with relief.

"It really is a beautiful painting." They said. 

"Well, thanks for all the encouragement." She replied. "I guess I'll just keep trying."

"Yay!" We all cheered.

The reason I tell this story is because sometimes we are just like the lady who wanted her flowers to look like roses. Often we only see our differences as flaws. We want a certain thing, but we just can't seem to fit that mold. Often we don't realize how wonderful we already are. Sometimes we just cover ourselves up with a bunch of "grey paint". When really, we don't realize the true magnificence of what is underneath. 

What we need is the courage to wipe off that grey paint and let our vulnerability shine through. Our humanity is beautiful and that's what makes us able to learn. Those mess ups, or what we see as failures are really just another step towards success. When we learn to accept those imperfections and differences, we can come to realize how our uniqueness plays a huge role in the beautiful diversity of the world.

A pot is made up of a lump of clay. A house is made up of broken trees. A a quilt is made up of bits of thread. A painting is made up of globs of paint. We are all made up of humble beginnings, learning experiences, and imperfections. But we are masterpieces.

In one way are we all the same, and that is that we're all different. 

People Pleasing

Trying hard to be so strong. Trying to fix people's problems. Trying to be a pillar for others to lean on.. And yet you are breaking yourself. Trying to just make everyone happy, but they don't seem to fully appreciate your efforts. Some just keep taking. Taking, stealing, breaking you. What can you do? If you run away, will they be left alone? If you try to get away, will they just chase you down? You've figured out that they don't care... But you do. You don't want to do what they've been doing, and desert them when they might need you most. What can you do? Must you sacrifice respect in order to win it back? 

These are some of the dilemmas of a people pleaser. 

 As people pleasers we often just want peace. We don't want conflict or disagreement, we don't want people to think we are mean, we don't want others feelings to get hurt, so when someone wants something from us, we just say yes. I think everyone has at least a little bit of this problem. Why is this a problem? Because we won't stand up for ourselves. We let people manipulate us because we are afraid. We are afraid of judgment, we are afraid of rejection, afraid of conflict. So what can we do? There is one simple, and yet so complicated answer. We must move past our fear. We need to defend ourselves. We can't do everything everyone wants. We can't sit back and keep letting people steal from us. We are not slaves! We are not someone else's puppet. We are stronger than that. We are independent. We are agents.

 

People with eating disorders are often people pleasers because they are perfectionistic and want to do everything right and make everything happy and everyone comfortable. This, taken to far can lead to manipulation. We can't stand here anymore and let people manipulate us. We aren't old tools in the tool shed for people to use when they are handy. We are human beings. We have potential. We are incredible. We are made up of so many complex thoughts, feelings and emotions. We are more than just someone on the side, only capable of doing things that other people want. We are certainly no doormat there for someone to wipe their feet on. We are worth more than that. We deserve more than that. We must act more than that! So let's stop selling ourselves short. If someone needs help, by all means be there for them. But if someone begins to see that you will do everything they ask, and then they take advantage of that, stop doing everything they ask! 

Also, it's not in our power to make everyone happy all the time. Let's just do our best and try to be good, and if people aren't happy with that, then that's their problem. We have no control over other people's feelings. 

If we let people keep taking pieces of ourselves away from us, little by little we won't even be able to recognize our true identity. You don't need to say "Whatever you want" all the time. Know what you want! And hold on to it, because that's what makes you who you are! You can still respect other people's opinions, and have your own at the same time. 

Respect. An interesting word. We have always been taught to respect others, but there's a difference between respecting others and doing everything they want. Think about it, if you really respect them and want the best for them, would you always give them everything they wanted?

Also, think about respecting yourself. When we know who we really are, we will respect ourselves. We are Gods in the making! That deserves respect. We don't have to base our confidence on someone else's approval.

The key is learning to not be aggressive, and not be passive, but assertive.  I want to be the kind of person that knows who she is, the kind of person that is confident and doesn't let others manipulate her into doing something against her will. I want to be the kind of person that loves and respects those around her with a pure, real, unshakable love. I want to be authentic! I want to be the kind of person who moves past her fears. Who trusts in God for everything and does whatever He asks of her. I have a long way to go... But I beleive I will get there someday. And so can you, but we can't just stand there and let people push us out of the way. Let's stop being afraid of ourselves. Be yourself with pride! Don't be someone else just to please another person. We need to remember that pleasing everyone is virtually impossible. We can't make anyone happy! Only they can choose to be. 

What Are We Searching For?

 Hi Ladies. I want to ask you a question. What are we searching for? Why do so many of us burn our hair, pinch our eyelashes, smear stuff on our faces, pluck our eyebrows, spend hours in front of the mirror, and worry so much about how we appear?

Do we think we can starve ourselves in order to fill ourselves with some fantasy form of validation? Do we think that attention obtained in any form, is worth more than our dignity? Do we think people will notice or judge our every move, word, or look? True friends won't. True people won't care. Actually, they will probably appreciate that we're relatable when we mess up.
My point is, let's stop living in fear! In reality, most people are likely too worried about what they look like, or how they say things, that they don't really care about you. Not that they don't care as i.n they don't love you, but they don't care as in they have too much on their mind to be worrying about your flaws.

  

Now don't get me wrong. The there are some people out there who just judge and put people down in
an attempt to make themselves feel better, but what I'm saying is that we shouldn't care. Who cares if someone else doesn't like us for some weird reason? I believe that the only opinion that matters, is God's opinion.

That overwhelming crave for attention, love, and validation is ingrained in each human soul… But it can become a problem when it is our main reason for action. If we don't get that sense of worth from others, and that is the only thing that makes us feel good about ourselves, it can be devastating. We need to have a higher source of purpose. I know that when I do things just to get attention from others, or just really want to be noticed, it's like running a race with no finish line. It is empty and useless, because that attention we might get is fleeting. Doing things for attention is selfish.  It is hurtful, unkind, and just plain annoying. 

I want to believe that we can stop worrying about what others think about us. I want to believe that we can do things for reasons other than to get attention. I want to believe that we can do things for the soul cause of love. I want to believe that I can just be free to be me; my true, unshaded, real me. 

I don't know if we can get rid of this “want to be loved”. As Ingrid Michaelson put it “Everybody, everybody wants to be loved.” (Link to song to know what I'm talking about:) Love makes the world go round. Since the day we were born, we needed love in some form, to survive. 

Even though that want for love is inside us, we can develope the motive of love towards others. Through gratitude, and service and being outward centered, we can turn this whole damaging attention seeking mentality around, and be like lights illuminating the path of lasting happiness.

The Poisonous Remedy

Words. Words are powerful. Words can be our greatest remedy, or our worst poison. They can reveal our darkest secrets, and our brightest memories. They are a source of connection, and a way to communicate. Words are the link binding experience to relation.
They are pockets of emotion, pieces of thought. It's amazing the countless feelings we can portray- with only twenty six letters. We can't just misuse or throw away this precious gift! We can't let it rot, or become fowl. It's too penetrating for that. A handful of words can mean all the world to somone. They can heal hearts, or break them. The outcome of this power lies in its source. You. You are the source and you decide how you will wield this weapon. Will you use it to defend, or destroy? To serve, or sin? To fly, or fall? We are all little people packaged with ginormous power- a power that almost seems to burst from within us. It wants to escape, to be a part of the world. To be engrained in the workings of history forever and ever. And it will. It will, because that power is bursting forth everyday through the use of our words. To use this strong force for the good of others and ourselves- we must let it burst free with a feeling of love. Love is the key. If we choose love, then our words can be used to build magnificent structures of comfort, compliments, light, strength, and compassion. An experiment conducted by Dr. Emoto showed the impact words and feelings have on water molecules. This "rice in jar" experiment below, is based on that study.
https://youtu.be/fcQ-e5BguCI

Isn't that amazing? Now if our words effect each other so strongly, our words must effect our own selves strongly too.

What kind of words are you saying to yourself? We are often our own worst critics. 

Many mental illnesses are accompanied by, if not derived from, negative self talk. We say we hate ourselves. We aren't good enough for ourselves. We don't deserve respect.  

Why do this? It's not only damaging to ourselves, but to those who truly love us and want us to be happy.

Choosing to accept yourself for who you are and who you are trying to become, is so crucial for lasting happiness. 

I want to become better at dispelling those negative thoughts, and replacing them with gratitude, love, and an eternal perspective. I 

want to be a happy, fluffy, clean jar of white rice. And I want to help others be so too! We have the power to influence one another to open up to the negative and positive energies accompanied with our words. It's a scary power, because of how much it impacts, but it is also a beautiful, magnificent power. With love, this incredible force, even if conducted through small and simple ways, has a lasting, rippling effect for good, forever.